devil on my shoulder
by Mariechen
Summary: The first time Natsu heard and felt this presence was when Igneel left him. 'with my help you could find him' And at first it was easy to ignore it. At first.


Summary: The first time Natsu heard and felt this presence was when Igneel left him.  
 _with my help you could find him  
_ And at first it was easy to ignore it.  
At first.

The first time Natsu heard and felt this presence was when Igneel left him.

 _with my help you could find him_

And at first it was easy to ignore it.

At first.

But the longer his father was missing the more he could feel this dark pressure inside him.

With every passing day he got closer and closer to giving in.

He was so close to give in.

Accepting the help this voice offered him.

 _power, power_

Accepting it's promised strength.

At the same time he could feel deep inside him that this wasn't something good. It felt dark.

But he was just a kid. A kid whose father just disappeared.

And after being alone for months, one night he was about to give in.

He was alone. And with every passing day this thing inside him screamed at him to use it. To make himself

 _stronger._

He missed his father so much.

And then some old geezer found him alone in the woods and offered him to join a guild.

That guild slowly but surely made Natsu feel more and more at home. And the voice got quieter.

A small whisper every now and then.

And then after officially joining Fairy Tail and meeting Happy it almost disappeared for a while.

Almost.

Until...

Until.

He lost Lisanna.

After that the whispers came back at full force.

 _weak, weak, WEAK, WEAK_

Whispering how he could have protected his friend. His family.

If he only was

 _stronger._

To protect the ones he cared about he needed

 _my strength._

And Natsu knew that it was the truth.

How was he supposed to protect his friends, his family, when he was this

 _weak._

But he knew that this darkness wasn't what Lisanna would have wanted for him.

He knew, that if he gave in, something would change.

So he tried to blend the voice out when it screamed at him.

That he was

 _weak,_

 _so weak_

Natsu couldn't help but agree.

It had been years since Igneel disappeared and he was still no closer to finding him.

 _weak_

 _pathetic_

And with every passing year it became more unlikely for him to find his father.

 _you need me_

 _my strength_

After Lisanna's death the voice never really disappeared.

It only grew

 _stronger._

And slowly Natsu learned to live with it.

With the constant reminders of his

 _weakness_

by the dark presence next to his heart.

And then...

He meet his partner one day in Hargeon.

Formed a team with Erza and his rival, who he now considers his brother, Gray.

Meet other dragon slayers.

Protected other guilds.

And all of that made Fairy Tail feel more like home than ever before.

He had so many people he wanted to protect.

With his own power.

 _what power_

His own strength.

 _what strength_

For the most time he could almost ignore it.

Almost.

But it kept screaming

 _weak, weak, weak_

at every battle he lost.

at every person he couldn't protect.

at every person whose tears he couldn't stop.

 _weak, weak,weak,weak,weak_

 _just what did you achieve in that year_

 _you can't protect her_

He had to watch Lucy fight against Brandish, lying on the ground

 _useless._

It took all of his strength not to let it swallow him whole.

 _weak_

He couldn't move anymore.

He was

 _so weak_

 _so powerless_

Then.

Darkness.

He woke up.

To Lucy's screams.

To his whole body burning up.

Chained to a chair opposite to her.

And he knew that this was it.

He failed to protect her, protect all of them, once again.

 _failed, failed, failed_

All he could feel was this darkness.

 _weak_

He couldn't feel his body anymore.

 _weakness_

His whole being was trying not to be overtaken.

 _too weak, too weak_

Lucy screamed again.

He looked at her tear stained face one last time.

And let the darkness swallow him whole.

Hey :D Hope you liked this little thing I wrote. I was listening to a song yesterday with that line and couldn't help myself but to quickly write something about it!^^

My tumblr is mereadingandstuff if you ever want to scream about stuff with me. I'd love to!


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